


Haechan is Mark's Muse

by taeminki



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 05:57:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10803150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeminki/pseuds/taeminki
Summary: In which Donghyuck deserves to be loved and Mark can hardly believe he's the only person who recognizes that.





	Haechan is Mark's Muse

Mark has had his fair share of friends in life. He's had his fair share of _groups_  of friends in life. He's found that three things always happen: two of them rarely or never talk to each other, two of them probably have feelings for each other, and two of them are like cat and mouse.

So, that was natural. In NCT, an entire family of friendships, that was bound to happen. Youngho and Sicheng barely talked; that was natural. Yuta and Hansol had something going between them; that was natural. Dongyoung and Ten (and Taeyong, _and_  Yuta) were constantly at each other's throats; that was natural. Mark expected all of that; and he was happy when it shifted a little-- when Youngho started to learn Mandarin for Sicheng, when he sat Yuta and Hansol kissing once, resolving the tension. Dongyoung would always have that Tom-And-Jerry type relationship with Ten, and Taeyong, and Yuta; but he was happy to see the apparent care and love that was there, too-- especially with Taeyong. (Hmm.)

But Mark had never gotten a Lee Donghyuck before. He had never fallen in love, first of all, but he didn't even realize it at first. How was he to know he was in love? He was fourteen when he first met Donghyuck. How could he know he was in love at fifteen years old, when he knew he must have felt it? He couldn't have; and so he didn't. He went on-- on and on, and he explored his talents and his family; he matched two of his members with the different types of relationship that came with a group. In the midst of it all, sure, he fell in love with Lee Donghyuck; he realized he and Donghyuck fell into the category of _two of them probably have feelings for each other_. Unfortunately, he didn't do anything about it until Donghyuck was on the edge.

Mark had had experience debuting before. He was in NCT-U, the first unit of NCT. He knew how the fans could get, how the critics could get. He hardly knew firsthand, because he was hardly criticized-- strange, he thought, but he wasn't complaining. He did see, though, the awful way it affected Taeyong-- the way it made him break down sometimes, and the way it made him apologize to his members, to the media every day for months. Mark felt awful for not being able to do anything. He could comfort Taeyong, sure, but he couldn't make the comments go away, or take away the pain; and that's what hurt him the most.

When it happened to Donghyuck....

Mark had no words. He had nothing to explain just how painful it was to see Donghyuck walk into his room one day looking the most insecure Mark had ever seen him. Donghyuck was naturally a confident person, with some insecurities hidden away. However, it was strange to see these insecurities expressed in fashion-- in dark sweatpants and a dark hoodie, way too big and hanging over his face and hands. His hands were even tucked into his pockets, and his shoulders were hunched. For a moment, Mark couldn't even tell he was crying. He thought Donghyuck had a headache, or was feeling dizzy; so he got up, and he hugged Donghyuck to him, and he asked, "Are you feeling okay?" and then he pulled back to study Donghyuck's face and noticed he was sobbing, and his heart clenched into a rigid cramp.

"Donghyuck? What's the matter?" Mark knew it wasn't sickness. He saw the insecurity; it screamed at him through Donghyuck's tears and frown. Mark noticed the headphones in Donghyuck's ears and tapped on his own, a wonder if Donghyuck would take them out. Donghyuck shook his head, though his expression softened; and Mark nodded. He wrapped his arms around Donghyuck, and Donghyuck loosened up a bit more, wrapped his arms around Mark.

For some time, they stay just like that. It was silent and painful; it was Donghyuck's shoulders shaking with sobs and his sobs syncing with the rhythm of his music. It was heart-breaking, and Mark picked apart the past few months to try to understand what could have made Donghyuck feel this way.

He thought about the time they were sitting down to dinner and Donghyuck made a comment about himself, a small "I think I should lose some weight..." as he picked through his dinner-- an answer to Taeil's question of _Are you going to finish your dinner?_  Taeil wasn't looking for food; he was looking for an extinguish to his wonder. Taeil made a casual comment-- a "Go on a diet, then," and it was filled with absolutely no malice at all. It was a casual statement through a mouthful of rice. It was something that every idol did-- such a normal thing that it was talked about like an accomplishment. Mark could tell, though; he could tell that Donghyuck didn't take it that way. He tried, and he made no deal about it, but the way he gave Yuta the rest of his dinner that night, the way he stared as Yuta was eating... Mark knew he was still hungry.

He thought about the time Donghyuck was joking around and Yuta whined, asking Donghyuck to be quiet. He softly said the word _annoying_  in Japanese, with an amused tug at the corner of his lips, but it faded half a second later as he focused on competing with Sicheng. They were all watching him and Sicheng battle in a video game; they were all being rowdy. Donghyuck went quiet after that, though. It was only for a few moments, so hardly anyone noticed. But Mark did; and he wondered if it was the word _annoying_  or the fact that he was targeted that made him upset.

He thought about the way the Internet had been going in and out because someone was using it too much. He remembered Dongyoung complaining about it over breakfast-- and Mark quietly, _quietly_  wondered if Taeyong was going through the Internet and finding new reasons to hate himself again, but Dongyoung shook his head-- "Taeyong's at the studio--" and Mark began to wonder. He wondered; and he thought he found the answer when Donghyuck carefully pulled away from the hug, reached into his big pocket and pulled out his phone. He shakily typed in his password and showed the screen to Mark-- and Mark had definitely found his answer.

Mark found an onslaught of negative comments-- some scandal Donghyuck had gotten caught up in despite not doing a thing in the world. Something about dating-- secrets--? Mark was as confused as the next guy; where did all this come from? Why was Donghyuck involved? Mark didn't even understand the situation, but he understood the nasty comments-- typed in English and Korean. Donghyuck couldn't understand it all, but he felt the hate; and Mark could understand it all, and he understood why Donghyuck felt it.

"Hyuckie..." Mark muttered softly, but Donghyuck wasn't looking or listening. He had his face in his hands; he was sobbing into them, his shoulders occasionally shaking with the sadness. Mark sighed gently; he stepped forward and hugged Donghyuck again. He tried to tell him it was okay, but the reassurance fell on deaf ears. Donghyuck wasn't listening; he didn't want to listen; he couldn't listen. And he wouldn't listen for a while. He would smile and pretend it was all okay; he would avoid any worry from anyone. He would go about his day as he usually was, though a bit toned down. He blended in more. He stopped showing up on camera. Everyone was worried-- the fans, too.

Donghyuck didn't listen until he and Mark were laying together one day-- Mark, writing in his notebook, and Donghyuck tucked into his side, wearing the same big hoodie and sweatpants that showed his insecurity. Mark carefully slipped Donghyuck's phone from his pocket and punched in his password-- which he only knew because Donghyuck let him. And he went to Donghyuck's playlist; and he began to play their song-- _Baby Don't Like It_.

Donghyuck looked at him, confused. Mark didn't say anything, just pressed his phone into his hand and pulled out his own. He typed out a message, the simple words _I wrote my verse about you_  falling into Donghyuck's hand.

Donghyuck looked at the message and clicked on it a second before it was to fade beneath a blackening screen. He slowly typed a message back; and he shakily hit send, delivering it to Mark's sight, _I know... Jaehyun-hyung said it before_.

Mark remembered that. _"So Haechan is Mark's muse?"_  Yoonoh had assumed; and it was all fun and games and Mark, embarrassed, had denied it; but it was true. Donghyuck _was_  his muse. Almost everything Mark wrote was written because of Donghyuck-- the way he made Mark feel, the beauty he brought to the people and the settings around him. Everything was about Lee Donghyuck-- Lee Haechan.

 _I just wanted to remind you. I want you to listen to this song and know someone cares about you. I know you don't want to listen to me, or anyone right now, and I understand. But I don't want you to suffer in silence, so please listen to this and hear me tell you I love you. I'm here for you_.

Donghyuck was silent and still for a long time. He read the message-- and then he read it again and again and again. Or perhaps he read the message very... very slowly. Either way, his screen darkened-- and then darkened, and Donghyuck had to tap it three times before he typed out his reply-- a very short, very simple reply.

 _I love you more_.

Mark's heart warmed at the message. He closed his messages and tucked his phone away, decided he had nothing more to say. He noticed Donghyuck do the same; and he noticed Donghyuck replay _Baby Don't Like It_ \-- once, twice, and then he put it on repeat, tucked it into his pocket, and fell asleep on Mark's chest.


End file.
